Phones and work among biggest obstacles to family quality time

This content was originally posted in 7DAYS UAE website at: Phones and work among biggest obstacles to family quality time Most parents would like their children to behave differently sometimes, perhaps by being less naughty, doing homework without being nagged or not fighting with their siblings. Of course, most kids would love their parents to behave too. New research by IKEA found children would like their parents to change in a lot of ways and number one is wanting them to come home earlier from work. The survey, which asked kids what their parents could do differently to make them happier, found the top changes involve spending more time with them. A third of children believe their parents are on mobile phones too much, while nearly half (48 per cent) of adults feel they don’t have enough time to play with their children. Mama Knows Dubai founder and mum of three Kellie Whitehead agrees that devices are a distraction. “I think the smartphone issue is huge and parents need to have boundaries. I’m guilty of it myself as I’m self-employed and the sole earner, so I never really ‘switch off’. It’s a terrible habit and my erratic work hours can infuriate my kids too. Of course I feel terribly guilty but know I’m doing it for their good.” Her solution is: “Have ‘non-negotiable’ family time, whenever and wherever it suits your family. Put the gadgets away, and be in the present with your kids – it will be worth it! The other answer is to stop feeling guilty – all adults have things to do that kids ‘don’t like’ whether business or pleasure.” Lindsey Parry, who has a nine month old and manages the ArabianNotes.com blog, says that no matter how disciplined or good you are as a parent there is always that pressure. She says: “Even as a stay-at-home mum I still get guilt, there’s always lots to be done around the house and you can only ignore it up to a certain point! Getting essential household tasks done means you’re not spending quality time with your kids. I also think there’s a huge amount of pressure on parents to be doing something educational and spending quality time with the kids every waking moment, which just isn’t realistic. But pressure from media or what you think other parents are doing results in placing extra pressure on yourself.” What Lindsey does is try to adjust her time: “I try to keep my writing only to times when my son’s asleep as far as possible and I make a point of not ever using my phone at the dinner table, for example. I try to remind myself that everything he sees me doing is setting an example for him. That said, of course, we’re expected to be connected all the time these days and of course we can’t control calls or important emails and they sometimes happen at inconvenient times.” Sandra Hiller, regional manager of the UK-based parenting charity Family Lives, says much of the problem stems from the pressure of finding the correct work and life balance. “Parents say juggling work and family life is always an issue, especially when they work full-time. They find the parenting aspect of their life is compromised because of work issues, and often they spend a lot of time on the phone trying to organise their daily life. We don’t want to blame parents and make them feel guilty, but to try to find a way for them to manage both without putting stress on their parenting as well as their work.” And while Hiller acknowledges that not all parents’ phone time is spent organising things and there’s also time for social media and other mobile entertainment as well: “Sometimes a parent’s stress levels can be so high that using the mobile is a distraction from the reality of trying to juggle work and children. It’s a way of getting away from it all.” However, she points out that she’s seen families in restaurants who are all on their mobile phones, and often parents and children will text each other in the same house. “If the children see that as normal behaviour, they’ll continue to do it. It’s important that parents don’t use the phone as a way of communicating with their kids when they can do it face to face.” She suggests that perhaps for at least an hour every evening all phones – including the parents’ – should be put away, and the family should talk to each other. She adds that children needs to be ‘heard’ at home. “What children feel, want and need is very important and for children to thrive, parents should listen to them – and children should listen to their parents,” he says. Hiller suggests parents identify a time when they’re likely to be able to give the kids their full attention, and do their best to make the children their priority during that time. “We often say to parents that it’s quality not quantity,” she explains. features@7days.ae Read the original story at: Phones and work among biggest obstacles to family quality time