How to mind festive manners

This content was originally posted in 7DAYS UAE website at: How to mind festive manners Christmas is a time of good cheer – and of good manners hopefully. Indeed, along with all the other stresses the festive season brings, manners can make or break this time of supposed goodwill. All sorts of dilemmas arise – table manners at Christmas lunch, party invitations accepted or declined, thank you letters written and presents, even horrendous ones, graciously accepted. “The golden rule is to treat other people as you’d like to be treated yourself,” says Philip Howard, who has presided over The Times newspaper’s ‘Modern Manners’ column for more than 20 years, and has penned a book of the same name. “Manners have changed so much,” he continues. “In Henry VIII’s time it was good manners to chuck lamb bones over one’s shoulder for the greyhounds to feed. That would cause raised eyebrows these days. Our manners are completely different from those of our ancestors – we are living in the age of computers and emails. Men do jobs around the house and women work.” Here are just some of the dilemmas you may face over the festive season and Howard’s solution to them… Can I thank someone for a Christmas present by email? “In modern manners, for those who don’t have good handwriting, it’s OK to thank people for presents by email – provided you do it by Boxing Day with warmth and, if possible, a joke, and remember what you’ve been given. Certainly do it before January. The only thing that matters is that you do thank them for the present. The medium doesn’t matter particularly.” If you receive a present you really don’t like, is it acceptable to be honest with the giver so you can change it? “No. It can cause terrible trouble. There’s no good way of saying to someone, ‘Thank you but no thank you’. The solution is to give an unwanted present to someone else who doesn’t know the person who gave it to you. Even with a close member of the family, you have to consider their feelings as well as yours.” How do you stop an argument breaking out over the Christmas table among relatives who don’t always get on? “Bang on the table and say, ‘Family members, I now propose a toast to mother, around whom our whole family revolves’, or something similar that stops them in their tracks.” Are there any rules of etiquette concerning the office Christmas party? “Yes. Don’t drink too much, which I know can be difficult as everyone’s letting their hair down. But drinking too much can cause unpleasantness. It can make you indiscreet, unkind and say things you didn’t mean or insult the boss.” When entertaining vegetarians, is it considered offensive to carve the meat at the table? “Your veggie friends must know that they are visiting a ‘turkivorous’ household and must have the good manners to fit in with your customs. It is not your duty to cater for their sensitivities, other than providing delicious vegetables of course.” What about Christmas dinner in general? “It used to be a sign of male virility that the one thing the man did was carve the turkey, but we’ve now moved away from that patriarchal society. If you have a young man or woman in the family, ask them to carve. Don’t gobble your food, try not to finish before everyone else and even if you dislike the food, make some pretence of enjoying it.” What about mobile phones at the table? “All mobile phones should be switched off and not allowed at the Christmas table. To have the possibility of taking calls on a mobile at a meal or even when you’re just having a conversation with someone is bad manners. It’s saying, ‘I’m sort of enjoying talking to you but I may well have something more important to do in a minute.’” When should you allow children to leave the table? “After Christmas dinner, there’s nothing worse than making a child sit listening to conversation he really doesn’t enjoy. I would let them go, although it depends on their age. “That’s not really manners, it’s more man management.” ‘Modern Manners’, by Philip Howard, is published by The Robson Press Read the original story at: How to mind festive manners